Happy Taco Tuesday!
If you're a regular reader, you know that I have been away from my blog for quite some time. To those of you that don't know, Taylor and I are now separated. Taking time away from each other and figuring out ourselves, our lives and more. As you can imagine, I have been busy with my Summer classes starting, packing up the apartment and getting everything figured out for the move. BUT - here I am today!
It's June. June is LGBTQ Pride month. In honors of Pride month, I have a very short, honest but true blog to write for you all. I hope others read this and see that it's okay to be you. It's okay to do what makes YOU happy. Don't worry about what others think and YES that includes family, parents. close friends and strangers.
Last night, I came back to the apartment to begin packing up everything for our move. As I was packing and just listening to my thoughts, I realized I can't hide this any longer. I have always been that friend that advises to be honest, be you, care less what people thing but was here hiding something huge myself because of the fear I had of others. I grew up Catholic. (basically a colt but what religion isn't?) I have my own beliefs, my faith is strong and my connection with my Lord is just that. My connection. He does not judge. He does not love someone based on who they are and how they were born. Religions try to teach you that its X, Y, or Z. But honestly, it's really not.. This is just my opinion and I'm sorry if you disagree. Maybe this will make some of you view it all differently, who knows. I really wanted to write this and be as honest as I could. It's really hard to write, I can tell you that as I was JUST typing my opinion about religions, I had a few close friends of mine come to mind and got anxious about what they may think reading this but you know what. If they're real friends and if they have real love for me as I do for them, they will be happy I am just being honest to you all. That's what personal blogs are all about!
Have you ever had questions growing up about what you like? From toys, to friends to actors on a tv show? As a girl you may have said, "He's cute!" or as a boy, "She's cute!". We all know very young when we think someone is physically attractive but there's a difference from knowing they're just better looking than another or if you think they're extremely cute and you get a small twist in your stomach. Ladies, if you saw Channing Tatum walking at the mall, wouldn't your heart skip a beat? Now if there was another guy walking at the mall, not ugly but not to die for, would your heart still skip a beat because you're attracted to them? Or would it not because you know it's just not someone that's physically your type, the ones that make your heart skip a beat, even just a little, are your "type". For me, starting in the first grade, I knew it was a Channing Tatum and a Ciara (the singer songwriter). You're now all probably thinking,
"wait what?" "what is she trying to say right now?" "no way! she has a baby?"
Yupp, I have a beautiful son. Yupp, I'm married to a male. Yupp, Men turn me on. Yupp, so do Women.
I grew up in a very very old school home. I was adopted by my Great Aunt so I was brought up with rules and outlooks they had from their parents growing up. Not a bad thing, but very old school. Definitely one of those things where I had to say
"it's 2018 already, it's not like that anymore."
With everyone else's opinions about gays or bi-sexuals being mounted to my brain I began to think like those people only because I was told over and over "it's wrong, it's weird, it's gross." Oh, here's my favorite, "If someone claims they like both male and female then they are just whores and must be bored in life." Like anything else, you grow up being taught what's right and what's wrong. "Driving through a red light is wrong." "Driving through a green light is right." These are true statements. However when it comes to personal sexual orientation, they tend to let their opinions get in the mix and as you're growing up and learning from the same that told you about the street lights, you begin to listen and get it imbedded inside of your head. The same way we all fell in love with Justin Bieber is the same way I fell in love with my first grade teacher haha. I genuinely found her attractive. The way my stomach felt a knot with Justin Bieber is the same way I felt a knot with my first grade teacher, Hannah Montana, Emily Osment and more boys and girls.
I have many thoughts about what has all surfaced among our sexual orientations. But I'm not going to sit here and express my opinions about ones want/needs. I didn't and still don't like others giving me their opinions so why should I sit here and do the same for others? If you've known me for a long time then you know this sort of makes me a hypocrite and I sincerely apologize for that. It's a long, boring battle going back and forth in my mind. I was always taught one thing yet I felt another. Fear to come out, fear to stand up for something so delicate to address, fear to go to your hispanic, traditional, catholic parents, fear to not make your family proud, fear to be judged, fear to never find love again and so much more. Last night, one side of my mind finally won this battle and here I am, telling you all I like both. Genuinely like both. If you do too then that's amazing! It's okay to! Don't be afraid. It's 2021 and so much more is changing from left to right. Life is too short to worry about others, just be happy and do what you want for your life. It's no one else's life to live but yours. Believe me, God isn't judging and you won't go to Hell for it. :-)
The past 2 years of my life have been hectic. I got pregnant unexpectedly, a Pandmeic happened, we moved from CA to CO and now I'm going through a separation and moving back to moms (temporarily). Why not add to it and come out on my blog that I'm bi-sexual? I couldn't be more happy that I am publishing this though. I wanted to create this blog to share my personal experiences, stories and this one is a strong one. I hope it helps others to be themselves and to know that they're not alone. We all were given the gift to be born and live a wonderful life so why not do that!? My life isn't your life, your moms life isn't your life, your life isn't your siblings life and so on! We are all blessed to have our own soul to walk along Earth and to make the best of it so let's do just that!
Thank you all for reading this blog post. If it makes you want to unfriend me, that's okay. If this helped you personally, GOOD! And if this is just a shrug for you because it is what it is then thank you.
New blog post coming this Friday! "the Hardships of Separation"