Happy Hump Day. I'm sitting here writing this blog trying to figure out what exactly it is I want to write about or how to write it. I was talking to an old friend today and with only a few messages from them, I find myself sitting here thinking about my story, my life and how everyone has different chapters of their lives. There is no perfect life, no perfect times and no perfect life. There's a specific chapter of my life that I seem to not get out of my head.. unfortunately it ended yet I re-read it everyday. So I thought "why not get on here and just write about it, get it off of my mind and onto paper."
I am only 21 years old as I write this...yet, I feel I have more than 21 Chapters of my life. Do you ever just sit and remember the good times you've been through? or the bad? There is one chapter of my life that I re-read everyday and I am finally facing the truth about it. I know I'm thinking about it and I know I'm day dreaming about it but I never can admit it. Not to myself, to my family or friends. So here I am. I'm doing it. It's overdue.
We all have stories. We try to make everything right, we try to always choose the right and not the wrong but no matter how hard we all try, it's never perfect. Life is not perfect and never will be. WE are all not perfect and never will be. Life is about living and the chapters we go through are lessons learned. Every chapter is a lesson learned. Read that again.
I'm going to call this chapter, Chapter 17.
I came across this person on Facebook, we had many mutual friends and they looked sort of familiar but I knew I never met them before. I shot them a message and it went nowhere but forward from there. They picked me up at the back of my High School one day to take me to lunch, to meet and to get to know one another better. There was thick, sticky snow on the ground and the wind was ice cold, slapping my face as I walked out to their truck.. I was so nervous at this moment but I tried my best to be confident. As I was looking down at my feet hoping to not fall on ice, I reached their truck and looked up. The passenger door was being opened from the inside... Instead of getting out into the freezing cold to open my door they opened it for me from the inside. "That was clever and sweet." I thought to myself. We went to my favorite fast food place that day. Chick -Fil-A.
Before getting to the food place, I remembered being so hungry but for some reason, being with this new friend of mine I couldn't even think of food. If someone asked me my name that moment, I wouldn't be able to answer. I ordered a fries with chick fil a sauce and they ordered a salad because "I'm on a diet right now and i've been doing pretty good." they said. I was like...... "alriiiiighttt then" haha. After ordering our food, they paid for me. That was surprising too! We decided to sit at the booth to the left of the entrance door by a window so we could look out at the snow. We were sitting there waiting for our food, talking and asking one another questions. They showed me their finger nail that was bruised so badly It made me gag lol but I thought that was funny. We finally got our food and I couldn't even eat it. I felt bad because I didn't pay but I was so anxious and nervous that I couldn't even taste the fries when i'd try one. Mind you, I was starving right before this haha. I mentioned how nervous I was and they were nice and calmed me down.
In Chapter 17, there were quite some times. Crazy, happy and intoxicated times. Chapter 17 talks about another time we went out. December 3, my friend came to the house and asked my mom permission to take me out. She was beyond impressed he actually did so. Especially now and days, no one walks up to a door and asks the parents if their daughter or son can go out. Half of the parents now and days have never even met their kids' friends! (that's terrible to be honest.) I went to the kitchen beyond nervous and made us some hot cocoa because we were headed to my hometowns Christmas Parade of Lights. The hot chocolate caught them by surprise but I knew they appreciated it greatly. Running late to the parade, they found a parking spot and we sat in the front seats watching all of the creative, bright floats go by. I was proud of my hometown, they did a good job! Now, if I'm being completely honest, this part of the chapter is hazy because I always end up thinking about another part written a little later on.
Disney released a new movie called, Moana. I mentioned wanting to see it and so he asked my moms permission again and of course, she said yes. My mom liked this friend of mine. (Still does, I think.) Sitting in the movie I remember towards the end it shared something between the main character and her grandma, I was so close to balling my eyes out but I had to be tough haha. After the movie, we were starving. They took me to Panda Express and found parking so we could eat our food. If Chick -FIl- A wasn't assuring, then this night was. My friend and I became more and more comfortable around each other, with time to kill before I had to be back home, we sat there listening to music on the radio. Leaned back the passenger seat and shared the coziness of it. This was actually the first time I have ever heard the song, "All Time Low" by Jon Bellion. Suppppper good song! You should give it a listen if you haven't heard of it. Being a teenager, I had a curfew time to get home. I remember my friend and I checked the time thinking we still had plenty of time to get me home. We didn't. We sat back up so fast, buckled up and drove off as fast and as safe as we could. We pulled up to my house a few minutes late and all I could say was, "my mom is going to kill me, she hates when I'm late even by a few minutes, fuck!" Then my friend suggested we sat in the truck for a second longer and just yell our frustrations out before seeing how mad my mom was about to be. It was awkward but fun and calmed us both down. My friend politely walked me up to my front door and told me goodnight.
MY MOM WASN'T MAD. LIKE..... WHAT????? If you're reading this and if you know my mom then you'd know she would be mad and asking me a million questions about why I was late. BUT SHE DIDN'T. She has NEVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE not been mad if I'm late from going out with a friend. EVER. Being as shocked as I was.. I saw it as a sign. She trusts my new friend and it was a good feeling.
This chapter held bad times too. One of them is how my friend and I stopped talking. As you guys know, I had dated Taylor part of my Junior year of High School. When I broke up with him is when I met this new friend of mine. Being a 16-17 year old girl, confused. I began talking to Taylor again. Everyone was annoyed with me. My best friends, my family, especially my mom (hehe). But when Taylor and I talking again didn't quite work out I decided I was over making friends. (I thought.) I was in the kitchen with my mom one sunny afternoon. I think I was helping her cook? I can't remember. What I do remember is my phone ringing. I checked it and it was a text from my old friend I had gone to see Moana with!
"oh my god, mom, you'll never guess who I just heard from."
"who hope? my gosh, you're like panicking." My mom said. Randomly, after NOT talking to me for a while or responding to me, my friend asked me if I'd want to go to their good friends parents wedding reception. I sat there shocked and asked my mom for advice. Since they hadn't really talked to me for a bit, my mom advised me to ignore him a while and answer kind of last minute.
wait... so does that mean I can go?"
"Of course Hope, just make them nervous a bit." My mom responded.
I quickly ran to my room and began getting ready. I chose to wear a light pink, flow dress that went just below the knee. These friends were kind of country so I wore my famous booties. Being at this wedding reception really put into perspective what I wanted for myself one day. It ended up not being how I dreamed of growing up but maybe one day it will...
Chapter 17 of my Life has so much more smiles, laughs, good and bad to it. Re-reading this chapter might slow down my present life a bit but, it's just THAT good of a chapter. Here I am, writing this and putting onto paper what I truly think about everyday and I hope this helps others be honest about what they might think about to get then through their days. If no one wants to listen or if you don't want to sit and talk, write it. Happy Hump Day everyone and don't forget to become a member today! XOXO